


Be Gay Dream Crimes

by swtalmnd



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Coming Out, Eames Stupid Cupid 2021, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, M/M, flirting onstage, reading your own press
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swtalmnd/pseuds/swtalmnd
Summary: The prog rock band Dream Crimes is touring to celebrate another successful album,The Levels of Infinity. Eames and Arthur are together, but, despite their famous onstage banter, the fandom hasn't quite caught on yet.Yet.
Relationships: Arthur/Eames (Inception)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 38
Collections: Eames' Stupid Cupid 2021





	Be Gay Dream Crimes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mizunoir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizunoir/gifts).



> mizu, I took your prompts of "stars + roadtrip + infinity" and bastardized it all to hell. I hope you enjoy this anyway!
> 
> thanks to Dr QT & newtypeshadow for cheerreading and helping me fake up some social media posts.

Arthur knew that people wondered if he and Eames were really together and, if so, _why_. He was savvy with social media and smart enough to keep on top of the important opinions, the dedicated tumblrs, the concert videos, and the fandom discourse that never seemed to die, just mutate and come around again. Hell, Arthur had hundreds of bookmarks on his AO3 account.

He knew that Eames/Robert had ten times as many fics as him and Eames.

He just didn't care.

Arthur was the lead guitarist in Dream Crimes because of the music, not for the fame or validation. Well, he _also_ read all their printed and blogged reviews, and watched youtube videos picking apart his playing and Eames' lyrics and their production values, but he didn't care about groupies or ship wars or TMZ. Here on stage, none of that mattered, because this was the time he was most alive. Well, Eames would also argue for sex, but then, Eames always liked to argue for sex.

Robert started the opening keyboard riff of the titular song from their latest album, _The Levels of Infinity_ , and all of that introspection fell away again as Arthur hit his first chord like a battle cry, rocketing them into the verse.

Yusuf picked up the bass line and Ariadne waited for her cue to bring on the drums and take things up another notch. Eames brought his mike over to Arthur and the two of them stood, foreheads together, to sing the chorus.

Music like this, music they'd written together. polished and perfected together, keeping the raw edges and fitting the rest into a perfect four-minute package, well. Music like this was still better to Arthur than sex.

But he was usually willing to let Eames make his point, anyway.

When the song ended, Eames winked at Arthur and turned to the crowd. "How are we all tonight, my delicious devotees?"

Arthur snorted and rolled his eyes. "Please don't stage a taste test," he teased, getting some shouting and no small number of shirts, bras, and other clothing tossed up onto stage.

"Darling Arthur, you know I only have tongue for you," Eames bantered back, the on-stage quips that had made their live shows as famous as their triple-platinum albums and surrealist music videos.

"Better put your mouth where you money is, then." Arthur winked and started into the next song, his precise fingering making his guitar wail and scream just for him, and twenty thousand of his closest friends.

Three songs later, Eames was back at it, chatter that not-so-incidentally gave the band a breather. "All right, guys, who's been to more than one of these shows?" he said. "Wait, are we somewhere we've played before?"

"We're in LA, of course we've played here before," said Arthur dryly. "Don't pretend to be a dumb rock star, they've all read your lyrics."

"Yes, and they think they're all metaphors for sex!" said Eames cheekily, getting another loud cheer.

Arthur snorted. "They are all metaphors for sex," he said agreeably. "They're also metatextual commentary on the nature of reality and music and how words, time, and musical notes interact."

"Oh, Arthur," Eames purred, "you know it gets me hot when you use big words and understand my use of allusion."

That made the crowd laugh and cheer again, so Arthur took a moment to down as much terrible blue sports drink as he could while Eames said something sleazy about subtext. "Eames, your dick isn't really subtext when you talk about plunging a train into a dark tunnel. That's just text."

"Arthur has a point," said Robert, getting a little gasp from the crowd. He rarely bothered to speak up, and his resting bitchface had started dozens of rumors of impending breakups of all kinds. "It's subtext in the one about Escher, but I keep telling you, the train song is porn."

Arthur chuckled when the crowd cheered and yet more clothing came flying up to the stage. "I think that means it's time for the train song," he teased. It was called "Waiting," but mostly it was about Eames' dick, and even Eames knew it.

Ariadne did a badum-ching stinger for him, and then went right into the opening beats of the song, drawing the rest of them along inexorably. 

The crowd sang the lyrics, and played along with Eames' antics, cheering when he bothered Yusuf and came to sing back-to-back with Arthur and even hung himself over poor Robert for a while. Robert did not enjoy sweaty Eames the way Arthur did, but he put up with it for the sake of performance.

They segued right back into the setlist after that, and the rest of the concert went by in a blur of adrenaline and music, just the way Arthur liked it. He spent the break before the encore riling Eames up, a tradition they both enjoyed even when Ariadne gave them shit and Robert rolled his eyes. The post-show sex was worth it.

They started the encore with a cover of Rush's "Dreamline," and ended it with one of Arthur's favorites of their own songs, "Gravity." 

"We're a two-body system," sang Eames, the two of them orbiting each other with practiced ease as the song came to a close. "And I can't escape your," he paused, face right in front of Arthur's, and breathed out, "gravity."

Then he swooped in and kissed Arthur right on the mouth, in front of the universe and those twenty thousand close confidantes.

Arthur wanted to care about media exposure and damage control, but instead he brought the song to a close with his hands while his mouth explored Eames', the kiss lingering long enough that all deniability was obliterated.

He had a feeling their ship stats would be on the rise by morning.

* * *

Arthur lounged on the bus the next day, sleek and satisfied as a cat as he went through their social media on his tablet. Eames brought them tea and sat, grinning when Arthur's feet immediately invaded his lap.

"All right, darling," Eames said, eyes twinkling, "read us out the best bits."

"Ooh, is it Twitter Time?" asked Ariadne, bringing over her giant Starbucks many-shot depth charge. Yusuf gave them a thumbs up from where he was drinking his own, rather more dubious tea, and Robert came over to snuggle on Arthur's other side where he could see the tablet. For all that he came off prickly onstage, Robert was actually quite tactile when his friends had showered recently.

"All right, AO3 first, because they make up some great tags," said Arthur, after a big sip of tea. "My personal fave is 'who's got a rarepair now?'." Laughter wound around the table, even Yusuf joining in from his seat across the way.

"Please do not share fic recs," said Ariadne, shaking her head.

"Let us find them on our own," added Robert, smirking.

Arthur shook his head, but he couldn't help grinning. "Okay my other fave was clearly someone at the concert who isn't in the fandom, because they tagged their fic 'only heterosexual for a limited time' and none of us have been claiming straight, like, ever."

"Big media people still pretend they think you and Yusuf are," said Eames teasingly.

"I'm too gay to explain away," said Ariadne proudly.

"Bi men are invisible," said Yusuf, serenely smug. "It's our superpower."

"All right, weirdest AO3 tag, go," said Robert. He'd baldly stated he was 'queer as fuck, you wanker' in one of their first interviews, and given the reporter a face that dared them to contradict him as he did it. He'd been their first officially out band member, but the rest of them had never tried to keep their orientation a secret.

"Hm. How about 'Robert Fischer's Queer Agenda is Real'?" Arthur read off his phone, scrolling through the fics by date updated.

"Nah," said Ari. "That conspiracy theory is old hat by now."

"True," said Yusuf. "Try again."

"Arthur destroys Eames' horrible shirts with the power of his mind?" said Robert, reading off the screen. "That seems weirder."

"That one shows up so often it's canonical, even in fics where he's with you," said Arthur with a snort.

"Oh, I've got it," said Arthur, after a bit more scrolling. "This fic has 'the full-size train was only the third weirdest thing' followed by 'and the second weirdest is that it wasn't eames' penis'. Given that no trains were deployed during last night's concert, not even Eames' penis."

"Which is a crying shame, if you ask me," said Eames, nuzzling until Arthur gave him another kiss, and then stealing the last of Arthur's tea.

"Make me more tea while I search Twitter," said Arthur, giving him a shove.

"I planned to," said Eames, getting up with a cheeky wink, and they all fell back into a discussion of the concert itself, how the fan reaction had gone at the time (well), and the news reactions this morning (not so well).

"Okay, we're ready," said Eames a few minutes later, settling back in and slipping Arthur's cup into its holder. "Hit us with the best tweets."

"And the best worst tweets," added Robert, who enjoyed mocking the haters.

They all appreciated Robert's perspective.

"Well, the good news is, we're trending," said Arthur, poking around. "There's a hashtag war between #dreamgays and #gaycrimes, and that discourse is as stupid as you'd expect. The haters are starting to pick up the latter one, though, because they clearly don't get the reference."

"Be gay! Do crime!" they all responded in ragged unison, cheering and toasting drinks after, trying not to spill.

Robert cleared his throat and read, "Dreams are coming true at this #DreamCrimes concert! Look at Eames snuggle up on Robert #Reames is real #RobertEames."

"Someone put the cart before the horse," said Eames, sounding smug.

"Arse," said Arthur fondly, kissing his hair. "I forgot you follow your own ship tags."

"Except the het ones," said Robert with a shrug. "People who think I'm banging Ari need help."

"So much help," agreed Ariadne.

"Shall I read some of the requisite tweets about Eames' terrible shirts?" said Arthur, getting a laugh from everyone, including the man himself. "I suppose we did already hit him with the ao3 tag."

"It was a pretty great tag," agreed Eames, leaning in for another lingering kiss. "But no, I want some tweets about our completely unsurprising coming out."

"There's a lot of ire from the 'too stupid to realize this entire band is queer and now hates that they like us' crowd," said Robert gleefully. "My sock puppets and I are having a field day."

Eames snorted. "Any good videos of our snog?" he asked, peering at Arthur's tablet curiously.

"Three good angles, several bad ones," replied Arthur. "Already saved 'em."

"I like the one where it looks like you're playing his penis instead of your guitar," said Ari, poking at her own phone now. "Wait no, that's all of them."

"Who says he wasn't multitasking?" said Eames, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"I like this one," said Arthur. "From user 'notacrimeinmydreams' we have 'i wanna be sad my ship isn't canon but my pants inform me that this ship is good too' with some relevant hashtags, and a gif that pans from the kiss to Eames' ass." 

"It's a good ass," said Yusuf. "If you'd show them yours more, they'd understand Eames' fascination with it."

Arthur chuckled. "Maybe one of these days I'll go bother Robert up on his platform, too. Give them a climbing shot."

"Just wear those pinstripe trousers you got, the ones in the grey you swear isn't at all purple but is definitely a little purple," said Eames. "They do absolutely marvelous things for your arse, darling."

Arthur sighed. "I don't like the waistcoat I have for that pair," he said, pouting just for show. His tailor had really let him down on that one, and he hadn't made time to get it fixed yet.

"Wear the skull one from Alexander McQueen instead," said Ariadne. "And a dark shirt that won't show sweat."

Arthur chuckled. "As if I'd dare sweat in front of my discerning fans." Great effort was made to make him look cool and collected at all times during appearances, both on his own part and his tailor's.

"Look, I'll sneak a photo next time he bends over and tweet it out. No one will ever doubt my taste again," said Eames.

"Are people doubting your taste?" asked Robert, his voice already full of 'fight me.'

"I mean, the ship stats don't lie," said Arthur with a chuckle. "Maybe Yusuf's favorite threesomes will get more popular."

"Extra dicks make for extra creativity," replied Yusuf, unperturbed. He'd always been willing to admit he read a lot of fic, with a special focus on certain genres -- mostly porn.

"I still think it's weird that you guys read your own fanfic," said Cobb, opening the door from the front of the bus and letting in the road noise. "Saito wants to facetime next time we stop long enough to have a stable internet connection."

"We'll be ready," said Arthur, giving him a dismissing nod. Cobb wasn't the worst manager ever, but the band had somewhat outgrown him. Fortunately his wife had good enough connections to make up for him, and they worked together on the band's image and schedule both. Weirdly for a record exec, Saito was a far fiercer supporter.

When Cobb didn't leave right away, Arthur cleared his throat and read out, "Does Arthur dress left? These pics say he mostly points at Eames."

Arthur was showing them all his tablet when Cobb closed the door with more force than strictly necessary.

"Those are mostly photoshopped," said Eames, pointing out the flaws. "Your guitar is almost always in the way, more's the pity."

"I tailor to hide those assets, anyway, unlike you." Arthur chuckled. "Here's a good one, user dodreamcrimes says 'Ship wars won. Now to figure out who tops. #justkidding #arthurisapowerbottom #obviously'."

"Accurate," said Eames, chuckling. "But not entirely accurate. Sometimes you like to fuck me, too."

"With an ass like that, it'd be an actual crime not to," said Robert, his eyes twinkling though his tone was serious.

"Men and their dicks," said Ariadne, shaking her head in mock dismay. "Is there a boycott tag yet?"

"There's several offensive ones trying, but somehow they keep getting reported," said Robert unrepentantly. "The most retweeted one says 'guess we know what else Arthur's been fingering gross #washthatguitar'."

"As if I would touch either of my darlings after fingering the other without washing my hands," said Arthur, offended. "They're jealous."

"Yeah, that's the consensus," said Robert, nodding.

"And of course, Tumblr fandom's just running with it," said Ariadne. "There's already conspiracy crazies, but mostly your shippers are like 'come to the dark side, we have cookies AND canon' and it's great."

Arthur pulled up his secret Tumblr account and started scrolling through his ask box. He didn't post any content of his own, but could reliably be counted on to rec the best fics within his own ship, and occasionally outside it if Robert or Yusuf sent him something fun. That meant everyone wanted to know what he thought of his ship being canon, and he had to decide how to respond. By the time he was done with that, the bus was pulling in to a truck stop with free wifi, and Cobb had returned to ruin their fun.

> @ **EamesDreams**  
>  Arthur was kind enough to choose me, and now you see why I said yes before he could finish asking #datass #howcouldinot #arthureames  
>  _[a photo is attached of Arthur bending over in nothing but silk boxer briefs as he does his morning yoga]_

> @ **ActuallyArthur**  
>  The real question is, why do I put up with you? #Youreluckyiknewyouweregonnapostthat  
>  _[Eames' tweet of Arthur's ass is quote-tweeted below]_

> @ **DreamCrimesOfficial**  
>  Be Gay. Dream Crimes. #wereallqueerhere  
>  _[an old stock photo is attached of the entire band with pride flags painted on their cheeks]_

**Author's Note:**

> The Rush song they cover, "Dreamline," has "learning that we're only immortal for a limited time" as a very famous part of the lyrics, so that's the reference in the tweet, which I expect zero people to get, lol.


End file.
